Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
by
Nicole
- June 29, 2017
I've always been a worrier. I think it's just part of my DNA at this point. I have this uncanny "talent" to imagine almost a zillion worst case scenarios to almost any situation. I'm basically a joy to be around.
Pregnancy is a time that is filled with fear and anxiety for me. I remember the days of blissful ignorance when I was pregnant with Caroline. I was scared for the first 12 weeks, but after that, I breathed a sigh of relief and planned on our girl getting here. My worst case scenario in her arrival included not following my birth plan or having to have a c-section. Little did I know.
Since Caroline's death, it's that much easier for me to allow my thoughts to swing into the darkest of places and imagine all manner of awful things happening to me and those I love. And that's where I am today. I'm scared and I'm sad that I'm scared. I know that Satan is the Great Deceiver. And he uses my fears to steal my joy. So I've been doing some reading today. I found this study on Isaiah 41:10.
This is such an encouraging verse. Right there in the beginning God commands us to FEAR NOT. He knew that we would struggle with fear. He tells us that he is with us, he will strengthen us, help us. There's a lot of power in those words.
While fear is still a struggle for me, I'm trying to lean on these promises. I want to be not dismayed, but strengthened.
At our house, we're currently dealing with an infection of Fifth Disease, or the Slapped-Cheek Syndrome. It's a super common childhood illness that just happens to be bad news for pregnant women, especially if exposed in the second trimester. I'm smack in the middle of the window of the most dangerous time span. I went today for blood work to determine if I have immunity from my own childhood infection with this, and it's our prayer that I have already had it. If not, it could kick our already high risk and sometimes scary pregnancy up a few notches to super scary. So now, we wait. Probably for a week. Patience is another struggle of mine, so I'm trying to hold it together.
If you struggle with fear and anxiety, or if you just need some encouragement, I highly suggest this quick study on Isaiah 41:10: http://theversesproject.com/verses/116/Isaiah-41.10
Pregnancy is a time that is filled with fear and anxiety for me. I remember the days of blissful ignorance when I was pregnant with Caroline. I was scared for the first 12 weeks, but after that, I breathed a sigh of relief and planned on our girl getting here. My worst case scenario in her arrival included not following my birth plan or having to have a c-section. Little did I know.
Since Caroline's death, it's that much easier for me to allow my thoughts to swing into the darkest of places and imagine all manner of awful things happening to me and those I love. And that's where I am today. I'm scared and I'm sad that I'm scared. I know that Satan is the Great Deceiver. And he uses my fears to steal my joy. So I've been doing some reading today. I found this study on Isaiah 41:10.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
This is such an encouraging verse. Right there in the beginning God commands us to FEAR NOT. He knew that we would struggle with fear. He tells us that he is with us, he will strengthen us, help us. There's a lot of power in those words.
While fear is still a struggle for me, I'm trying to lean on these promises. I want to be not dismayed, but strengthened.
At our house, we're currently dealing with an infection of Fifth Disease, or the Slapped-Cheek Syndrome. It's a super common childhood illness that just happens to be bad news for pregnant women, especially if exposed in the second trimester. I'm smack in the middle of the window of the most dangerous time span. I went today for blood work to determine if I have immunity from my own childhood infection with this, and it's our prayer that I have already had it. If not, it could kick our already high risk and sometimes scary pregnancy up a few notches to super scary. So now, we wait. Probably for a week. Patience is another struggle of mine, so I'm trying to hold it together.
If you struggle with fear and anxiety, or if you just need some encouragement, I highly suggest this quick study on Isaiah 41:10: http://theversesproject.com/verses/116/Isaiah-41.10